Inside the Mind of an Eligible Bachelor

For this blog I interviewed one of my male best friend who happens to be single. He has been single approximately 1 year 2 months, but has since been on several dates. He is 27, lives on his own in his own house and in full-time employment. This was a great opportunity for me as I feel that dates or single people are spoken about but it’s always from the female perspective. Shall we find out what the men think or say? First dates? Ideal dates? What really matters when it comes to dating/ relationships? One night stands and all those interesting gossip we love about dates and dating. Our single man gives us an insight into a single mans life. Go on then grab a cuppa and give this read.

When asked to describe one of the dates he has been on, in his description, he described a recent date that he went on, “I took one girl out for drinks in town, I like to go quite up class so we went to saltwater first then had a few drinks around the lacemarket, she was very nice and we went on a few more dates after.”

Saltwater is a bar in the city Centre of Nottingham, it’s a very nice bar and quite cosy, nice cocktails too with a beautiful balcony/smoking area.

Lacemarket is an area of the city Centre of Nottingham with a number of bars and restaurant.

For a man whose been single over a year, this sounds like a lovely chilled date and has the potential to allow both parts to know each other, especially for my single man whose looking for a potential relationship, but emphasized that only if the right person came around and he is not rushing anything for the sake of it.

Regards to initiating the dates, he reckons it doesn’t matter who initiates the date as long as both parties have the common interest at heart. When asked after how many dates is he able to tell he likes the person, “I think you can get a clear understanding of whether you like the person after the first date, I think if you go on multiple dates then it’s a clear sign that there is definitely some chemistry there”.

I’m here thinking that it could be true that the first date is very important after that response.

I thought this was quite interesting, our single man has a number of things to consider before asking for a second date, he said Firstly they have to be good looking, he adds on to say that “I know that may sound vain but you have to like what you’re going to be kissing! A good sense of humour is a must and good dress sense would be preferable! Long pauses between conversations are awkward so I would be looking to avoid that!” Then I later on threw in the question which I feel a lot of females wonder a lot about, I asked my single man if he would go on a second date even if he didn’t want to but the woman asked for it and in his response he said he could be swayed, and added on to say as long as she paid for it. He cheekily added on to say that, he thinks physical attraction is the most important thing for a first date.

In a situation where a date is planned a few days in advance, I asked my single guy if he texts or calls the person before the date, “Yeah definitely, it would be quite awkward if you haven’t spoke to the person for a few days and then you met! I always try and initiate conversation daily it’s the best way leading up to a date”. Love this response, so its not just women who actually show concern a few days leading to their first date with that special person, our single guy here has actually shown that he cares about the planned date. Our single man also adds on to say that he doesn’t think there is any harm in setting up new dates even if you have one arranged, you have to keep your options open if the first one fails through.

Online dating is on the increase so I wanted to find out what our single man’s thoughts were on the whole online dating and he thinks online dating is can be hit and miss, the chance of actually meeting someone off a dating website is slim to none. The more renowned online dating websites with a higher strike rate are extortionately expensive so he wouldn’t go down this route of getting a date.

Makes me wonder what men are online for dating.

Ours single man believes that women who put in that extra effort to their first date, shows a lot of class, he loves women who make an effort and look the best they can on a first date, if a girl turn up in tracksuit bottoms he is not going to be blown away.

When asked about dating someone in the same work place, his response was quite interesting “Three words- Don’t do it. Things can get very complicated and messy and you still have to work with them”. Wow makes me wonder if he has experienced this, as he was very clear about it. He added on to say that he doesn’t like to get his family/family involved in his dating life, although he is had a few double dates with friends. I also asked our single man if would ask a stranger for a date and his response “Yes I probably would there is no harm in asking and you don’t know where things will lead to!”.

Females have always reported how things are going well with someone they are dating, but then say we cant be together because of timing, and a few of them have given different views and opinions on the whole “timing” thing so I wanted to hear it from our single man, “Probably not, if you’re not fully committed to the relationship then it isn’t fair on the other person, your hearts not going to be fully in it so the likelihood of it working is slim” I thought this was an honest answer, I think its important to remain true to yourself.

To finalise our interview I wanted to throw in some questions that are usually discussed by females. I have recently found out that females usually question the reason why men approach them in a bar/social event, so I thought I ask my single man if he is always looking for a relationship when he talks to women? “Not always, again it depends on what you are both after, I have had a couple of one night stands because that is what we both wanted.” Then I finally asked my single man if the success of a woman or how successful the family is scare him “No absolutely not, money shouldn’t be an issue, if you like the person and vice versa then money doesn’t even come into the equation.”

I really hope you enjoy reading this as I had so much fun writing this blog and I feel that men rarely talk about their life as a single man, I choose to keep the interviewee’s identity a secret, but I could honestly pass his number on to any potentials or interested.

All My Love!

We already know what to expect from love, but why is our generation afraid of love?

Psychologists and many other social sciences have been researching the reasons why people are afraid of love (It seems we all are afraid of love). I think about it and I feel I should share my own personal account.

New love has the potential to stir the past! Most of us are afraid of love because of it’s potential to stir the past, which in most cases is painful or dark past that we don’t always want to revisit. If the past is that dark, do something about it, because love is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

Love makes us vulnerable! I personally hate being in a vulnerable position, but one think I have learnt when it comes to love, being vulnerable has always being the sweetest thing. You always feel vulnerable with the presence of love but its that vulnerability that makes us strong and love unconditionally. It’s that vulnerability that makes our love strong and learn how to love and treat others (because I know how it feels to be attacked emotionally).

Love challenges an old identity! Because of love being such a wonderful thing, most of us find it hard to believe that someone can actually love and appreciate us. We all create an identity about who we are, and for some of us we tend to believe that we are unloveable (total BS). Life experiences usually creates this identity about who we are, keep this mind we can all love and be loved.

Love is equal! Most of us are afraid of love, because we tend to think,  what if its unequal? What if they don’t feel the same way? I feel like at the start of love, it’s most likely to be unequal, but that’s ok because thats why we have dates, it doesn’t hurt to spend time with the new potential love, so we get to know each other. Love is a beautiful garden full of beautiful plants and flowers that need looking after, well looked after love result in equal love. You work for it to get it equal, otherwise it will remain unequal.

Love has the potential to break connection with our family and friends! I love my family and my friends and having that fear that love can break what I have with with my family and friends, is not a happy thought. Don’t allow love break that, instead, think of it as love has the potential to bring in new family and friends. Love, should it be done right can actually improve your social network.

Love comes with Pain! This is reality, love can bring such joy but it also bring sadness. The best thing to do is accept love and never assume that you can numb yourself from pain and yet have the joy that love brings. I don’t think it works like that, love comes with a lot of joy but don’t forget that it also comes with pain.

Love can make us hate us! Sometimes we tend to dislike the person we become when love is present. Love can make you weak, love can make us take risks love can make us do things we never thought we would be capable of. Love is powerful and can influence us, but as we allow ourselves to experience it, we become more powerful, whilst developing self-control.

Should we be afraid of love to protect ourselves?

All My Love

A Summer Curry all the way from Marrakech

I recently had the most amazing Holiday in Marrakech, it was beautiful and it’s just natural to have those holiday blues. Whilst there I was inspired in so many ways by so many things (Hopefully one day I get the chance to blog about it) and cooking and their love for spices was one of them.

Amongst the spices I invested in was the Morocco Curry, which apparently is meant to have a sweet mild taste. Well, because it’s a little bit warm in England (our hot summer) I thought maybe use the curry powder with a twist.

I made some chicken curry kebabs served with a garnish (red onions, fresh tomatoes, cucumber) and a side salad. Presented it with some naan bread and a curry dip.

The meal was tasty, very different to what have had before. The curry is very strong, although they described it as mild and sweet. I would personally say mild with a very strong taste to it. It was quite simple and easy to prep and make. Enjoyed the meal and the chicken came out well and the homemade curry dip was excellent.

Overall, a good meal to serve on a warm day, maybe when you have friends around (not the picky ones), perhaps as a starter or the main course.

All My Love

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Once you’ve found IT and it’s in for a long haul

There is probably thousands of posts about finding LOVE on the internet, but what happens after you found it? How do you keep that flame, like the very first few days when you met? Some say doing the same thing every day can be boring, but why not change the way things work if you strongly feel that doing the same thing everyday can be boring. A relationship or love can feel like you are doing the same thing everyday, especially if you have been together for a long time (How long is a long time?). 

Let’s put it this way once you have the love, keeping it is even harder than finding it. Don’t be lazy, let your partner feel like everyday is a new day in your relationship, do something different for yourself and for the relationship. It might just be changing the order of the day or making something that you have never made before.

Compliment each other! This is great for both parts in a relationship. Contributes to an individual’s self content.  Well, the feeling of knowing that, despite being in this relationship this long, they still notice me. I’m not saying go and spend money to keep your partner looking at you, it’s all about the effort. Make an effort, change your hair/style. By the way you are doing this for yourself, because it makes you feel better when you get that compliment. So don’t say why do I need to do this for someone? 

Surprise each other! Could be as little as making a meal you have never made before, buying your partner their favourite chocolate bar whilst you are out, again you don’t have to be spending money, unless you sleep in cash. (Be sure with the surprises, in the past they have been known to not go so well).

Celebrate each other’s success/achievement! It could be your partner’s small promotion at work, having a new job (even if you they have been to interviews and didn’t go well, make them feel better when they are back, because you know they are the best and that company just don’t know it) or finishing uni. Any achievement big or small, show them their happiness is yours and you are proud of them no matter what happens.

Don’t make your partner give up their hobby (anything they have always enjoyed)! I know time is an essence, and sometimes due to work demands we tend to stop enjoying what we used to. If you are in a relationship, encourage your partner to look back on what they used to enjoy. I believe that if someone gave up what they used to enjoy and they strongly feel that you are the reason they don’t do that, the frustration can slowly break the love.

Your relationship is not a rehab! Don’t be controlling, let your partner make their own choices and decisions. Keep this in mind sometimes things don’t work you way only, they are other ways (use your partners, don’t do it to prove a point though, “ah I told you”). In a relationship you should be aiming at building each other.

I’m lucky and it’s my job to give something back. Thank you for reading.

All My Love

The Revelation of Friendship

Ever wondered why some friendships are so successful and others fail? Is a two people friendship better than those of more than two people? Do we expect a lot from people we call friends or do they expect a lot from us? So what is this ‘friendship’? Friendship is defined as “A relationship of mutual affection between two or more people, a stronger form of interpersonal bond than association” so there is more friendship than meeting up for a drink?

From my understanding we make friends because of having the same interest or being in the same environment, but what happens when people you call friends become jealous of you, gang up on you, you become the topic (nasty way) or start isolating you from things you used to do together? Well the above may never have happened to you, or you may never have done them to anyone, but this blog is my place to be free and share what I feel will benefit or help others in some ways.

There is nothing worse than the people you call/called friends to suddenly turn on you and make you feel like the worst person on Earth. You know what makes it worse, they know your weaknesses they know your strengths, so they can break you.  Is friendship always like that? Should we be afraid to be friends with people and not be free with them just in case one day they decide to turn on you? Well, it happens, the people you call friends create their own little army and a meeting place where they scrutiny you and at these meetings they have nothing good to say about you, but you know what that’s nothing, I think you can sometimes do that as friends (however, if there is something wrong why not just talk to the person, if you are friends), the worst part is when they take all this to the next level (launching a personal attack), this is when they attack your physical appearance , your family and your general existence in their lives. If you have ever done any of the above to anyone, without knowing or unknowingly, maybe it’s high time you addressed this and maybe not do it again, I don’t want to say “victim” but this can have such a negative outcome to the person affected.

As young people I think we tend to underestimate how words we say about others can be hurtful, we tend to forget that our words can affect others as a person. Here is the truth, how would such friends make you feel, if you are the person they are “slagging” off calling names, attacking their every move they take, turning everyone against you, saying they have no personality, they act like someone else in the group (hello, thought you were friends in the first place because you had someting in common). It makes the receiving person doubt who they are, knocks their confidence down, feel worthless, question their own existence and feel alone.  What if they aren’t as a strong person and this leads them to suicidal thoughts, because you have pushed them too much? Why would you inflict such pain on another human being, let alone someone you call/called a friend?

So why do friends become horrible to friends?  I have spent a number of years trying to answer and understand. Could it be the their own insecurities playing on their persona, then to make themselves feel better they try to find someone to pick on so their own insecurities remain a secret? Address your insecurities in life, if it’s something you need to see someone about, please do so as it’s not fair to inflict pain on a friend.

Could it be jealous? Usually comes as a lack of self-confidence, deal with you own confidence instead of making others feel low, because you strongly believe that you have confidence issues and “slagging” others gives you a five minute boost, no that’s not right and no where near the solution to your confidence issues.

Could it be hate? This is the one I consider to be the least of the reasons as to why friends become horrible to friends, because as much as they do the horrible things, some of them don’t actually realise that it comes out as hate to the receiver.

Could it be because you are a afraid of being alone or afraid what you are doing could happen to you one day and right in that moment you better do it otherwise you will never get the opportunity to be on the popular side? I think some people may be afraid that if they don’t take part in the “slagging” they will not be accepted by others in the group, why would you be nasty to someone to be accepted by others? Acceptance can be a huge contributing factor, because we all want to be accepted but don’t do it at the expense of someone else.

If you have any questions or being affected by the issues raised in this blog, feel free to comment here or send me an email.

Thank you for reading.

All My Love.

A-Level results (Advice)

Hello Post 16 (Parents and Guardians),

I know the feeling, the day is almost here, lets keep this gentle and straightforward, 6 years ago I was in the exact position you are in right now. There will be different people, some have already picked the university, some maybe waiting for results but want time off education and some university is not on the cards at all, whichever position you might be in, have a little read (make yourself comfortable with a cuppa and relax).

So your grades have been predicted ( it doesn’t mean that its the end of the world if you get anything lower than what you were predicted), and its those grades that have enabled you to be offered some sort of conditional offer. Yes! You want that place at that university so I strongly believe that you have worked extremely hard to achieve that grade. For whatever reason, if it ever happened that you didn’t get the grade to get into that university you have been eyeing since last September (from as long as you can remember), it doesn’t mean that you will never become that astonishing Accountant /business management, whatever you want. If you can ring up the university and explain your new situation, if it means going there to meet the course leader don’t be afraid do it! Universities are run by human beings just like you and me. Ring your other universities you applied to, should all that fail and really want to get on that course try other universities and keep looking through clearance next few days. Meet with your post 16 teachers for further help, they are always helpful and can offer and explain what you could do next.

Hi there, are you having doubts about the course you picked/applied for? Its not too late, I think sometimes we miss the point that Higher Education is such a big step and being sure about what you would like to do could be the most important thing. I can tell you that most of the teenagers are under pressure, thinking about the career at the age of 16 could be a little bit too early for some people. My advice would be if you are unsure, or want to make changes to what you applied for do so. Again its never too late. Don’t go to Higher Education because it is expected of you by your family/friends, you are doing it for yourself and people around you should support/respect/advice you.

You might be having doubts about Higher Education in general, but still feel like you should go because that’s what you are expected to do or maybe you are just thinking well if I don’t go to university what will I be doing, may as well go. I wouldn’t go for that reason. Consider internship/travel or look for a job and that way you might have that time you need to re-think your options.

If you are ready to hit the road and join the exciting life of Higher Education, you will love it. For some reason you got to University/course and found out that it actually isn’t for you, again its never too late, nothing worst than staying on a course that isn’t right for you. If you feel the course isn’t for you but your family think that’s what you should do, nothing wrong in having a discussion with them and share your concern even the strictest parents are ready to bend a little bit, remember they are looking out for you and what nothing but the best for their son/daughter.

I have my fingers crossed for all of you, remember tomorrow is not about impressing anyone, it is about you. Don’t be disheartened just because you didn’t get your predictions. The grades don’t define you, because they are a lot of circumstances to consider , if that paper was done on a different day you may have had different grades so it doesn’t mean you have failed because you are failure or not as good as others. Just remember where is your personality, attitude and awesomeness in that grade?

All My Love

Why?

Thank you so much for taking the time and having a look at my blog datswartmeisie , I’m pleased to have this opportunity of launching my blog, here I feel free to express myself in a sense it’s like my own little space where I can share the little things that I and the million other people around the world do. I would kindly ask you not to be nasty, I’m not an expert, but I would like to be free and share with those who might be interested.

I’m not a chef but I enjoy cooking so that will be making an appearance. I love fashion and beauty and again not an expert but I will be sharing that, off course bearing in mind that you amazing readers support me by reading my posts.

Lifestyle and many other occurrences of day to day life will be making a feature (positives and negatives). Should I happen to have a large audience, I would happily ask the audience to advice on what they would like to see me post.

With your support, I know I can achieve this dream. Thank you for reading.

All My Love